Where did that idea come from?

I have often considered how and why people do the things they do, as well as the things they don’t do. One concept that nags at me is how receiving and seeking information has evolved historically. When I was in school we had to intentionally seek out information. We spent time in libraries, referencing encyclopedias and professional journals. We had to find articles written by people with credentials. Books and journals were printed by professional publishers that were held to a higher standard than we typically find today.

Today we receive information all day long, from all kinds of very influential sources. Some of those sources are so silent in their marketing that we don’t even realize that we are starting to change our behaviors. We receive information throughout our organic daily rituals and habits. We unconsciously bend our beliefs to belong to trends that seem normalized. Normalized based on artificial intelligence, geographical locations, and data distribution. We believe things we constantly see and hear: even if that information is false. We are fed one-sided information based on our buying habits and locations visited. We are essentially isolated to one sided views, information, and resources.

What does this mean? We need to be intentional about the time we spend on social media platforms. Many of the stories found on social platforms are false or misrepresented. This means we have to look into resources and references. Just because you read it on a Goggle search, does not mean you received all the relevant information. We must still do our part to ensure that we are not being misinformed. We should be open to opposing view points, and participating in spirited debates. Especially debates about topics we don’t understand. We also have to make sure we understand what we think we understand.

Take breaks from social media. Set boundaries on use of technology. Put your phone in a place that is not next to your bed while you’re sleeping. Don’t check your phone first thing in the morning. Have a morning and evening ritual that does not involve scrolling Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok or YouTube. Decide to listen to informative podcasts in morning, rather than talk radio. It is up to each and every one of us to take care of our personal well being. Too much exposure to social media can cause depression and anxious habits. Those habits can lead to unhealthy body chemistry. Please be mindful with your mindset. Be willing to look into information that is both exciting and upsetting. Look for reliable sources, and be conscientious of subtle information.

We mourn collectively during Covid-19

As the world collectively mourns the life we knew Pre-Covid, we try to find rest in the uncertainty. Every person has been touched by the outcomes of this virus. I heard an interesting perspective from a friend the other day. While we are in the same storm, we are rowing different boats. The side effects are different for each of us. Yet we all struggle. That struggle may have health ramifications, mental stress, emotional anguish, and for some of us new forms of success. The waters look different from each boat. I think it’s important to acknowledge that no one has been left untouched by this pandemic. We all grieve the world we used to know. The way we used to spend our day. The way traffic used to exist, children used to play in parks. We used to be able to hug one another without fear. We weren’t afraid to stand shoulder to shoulder with friends, family and strangers. It’s awkward to be in a grocery store. It feels strange to separate with kindness on city sidewalks. At our very core of being human we do need one another. Social interaction is important to our emotional and mental well-being. This statement is proven by the fact that we come equipped with mirror neurons. The brain tools used to connect and survey the state of one another. There is a huge body of research that looks at loneliness and how social withdrawal can have some staggering health impacts. Leaders are feeling lost without their tribes, without the answers they used to carry. Family’s are missing one another. Professionals, grocery workers, hospitality workers, you name the job title, life has changed.  People are experiencing a brutal behavioral shift. We are all grieving collectively. It’s hard to give from an empty cup. The way life was 2 months ago will become history, the way things were before COVID-19. I worry that separation will become so normal that connection and social interaction will be lost. Losing those things will have side effects on our well-being. Please do your best to witness grief, and do not judge it. We all grieve differently. Try to acknowledge the world with love. Understand that we are ALL a little lost right now, and that’s ok. Normal life, the life we had come to know and love is shape shifting every day. Change is hard for most of, even when certainty exists. It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be frustrated, it’s ok to grieve. Making connection has become critical. Please reach out to your tribe. Please do your best to show up with love and listen. It’s important to acknowledge how you’re feeling. We need to feel our emotions to heal our emotions.

I heard this story yesterday on Brene’ Brown’s podcast, “Unlocking Us.” Have you ever heard the story about the long spoons?

This man is walked into a room, the air is filled with scents of a delicious feast. People are gathered at a huge table with warm food setting in front of them, but they are all gaunt and starving. The spoons next to the feast are 3 feet long. No one can eat. He is then walked into another room, same scene. Delicious food sets on a table, but here everyone is dancing and laughing. They are healthy and enjoying the feast. They have the same spoons: 3 feet long. They are using the spoons to feed one another. He is told, this is the difference between heaven and hell.

Let’s feed one another. Let’s find ways to show up and connect. We need each other. At a very primal level we are social beings. So, make that phone call, get on a zoom link with friends, Facetime, hug the people in your home. Wave at people walking down the street. Find a way to connect. It’s sooooo important to our collective well-being. Judgement demands punishment. Let us step away from judgement and allow people to grieve. We maintain the ability to create love. That’s my personal belief. Let’s show up with love for ourselves and others. I hope this message finds you well and with love. #Bringlovealways #stellarjoyco #emotionalwellness . 4/29/2020

Love your imperfections

I used to sit in candlelight and write.  I would write about lost love and innocent mistakes. I would write about kneeling at swords that have no fate. Moments when I lost myself then found my way to grace. Mostly I wrote about the different ways my heart breaks. Little fragments seem to flake away. I can feel rough edges as they push their way out of shape. I used to think I could bend myself. I could find a way to fit in their frame. Once I got there I knew I had been chasing the wrong thing. We let people step in and influence our space. Some of them change our landscape, but they are visitors in our frames. We should stick to our values and protect our projections. We master our crafts when we learn to love our imperfections. Our nagging hearts require our attention. 4/28/2020

Value the Curious Mind: A Story about becoming Fascinated with Frustration

A few years ago I was battling a mixed basket of depression, stress, and anxiety. I felt powerless to change the way I felt. I didn’t think there was anything I could do to change how I was feeling. My heart was fluttering, my mental stamina was squashed. I couldn’t maintain focus on anything. I felt trapped in my head. This fear-provoking story was stuck on replay, while I attempted to dissect every word, every conversation, every single contributing factor to the emotional dump I was carrying with me everywhere. I wanted to set the story down, but my mind would not let it rest. The more I tried to get away from it, the more it seemed to take over.

One morning I was telling my story to my personal trainer. It was a work story. In my case work was intertwined with family. My bosses were my parents, and one general manager that was not family. My first priority was the business. This was true of aspect of my life. I chose work over everything. I would rather spend a Saturday in my office coming up with new procedures, catching up on paperwork, or preparing a production flow for the upcoming week. I was committed to my position, my family and my teammates. I had a series of odd conversations with the general manager, and I wrestled with how to share these conversations with my bosses: my parents. My trainer sparked something when he said to me, “You have to find a way to get fascinated with your frustrations.” I remember feeling kind of frustrated with the comment. He went on to explain that we if gave the same kind of attention to the frustrations in our lives as we did to things that passionately ignite our big dreams we would find some unreasonable solutions to our problems. This required a dynamic change to my thought process. I had to step out of the victim role, and start asking big questions. I would have to start looking for alternate entrances and viewing the issue from different roles and perspectives. I started reaching out to other industry leaders. I sat down with some powerful, influential people and asked for their insight. I asked how they were processing particular repairs. How were they marketing and building their brands? What was affecting margins in the front office, and out in the shop? What made them join this group, or that group? At the end of this journey I was able to come back to my parents with not only some concerns, but some solutions to the issue.

This experience made me start to truly value curiosity. One of my greatest weaknesses was being able to get the words out of my mouth when I had a question. Especially a question that I feared would make me look ignorant to my peers and team members. The caveat to growing up inside of an industry, is that everyone either believes you already have all the answers to everything, or that you should, or that you’re just a spoiled brat. These were all identities I had placed neatly into my own story. They were characters of fear that I regularly backed away from. I stood in the shadows because I didn’t want the spot light on me. Afraid people might see that I did not know everything. I wasn’t sure how some specific things worked. The problem was I didn’t feel comfortable asking questions about those things. I also did not want to step out and tell people exactly what I did know. I was afraid of the curve ball that would leave me without an answer. Today I completely understand that it’s ok to not know everything. I am not a God. I am not an encyclopedia, and I am certainly not Google. In fact I love it when someone asks me a question I don’t have an answer too. Those are great gateways to group problem solving. These kinds of questions provide a platform to learn about something as a team, or obtain insight from the other experts and professionals. Those questions give me an opportunity to learn something new.

One of the automotive industries greatest mentors, Michael Anderson, tells a story about a man that was retiring from the industry after 30 + years of service, and he commented that no one ever asked him where he would change processes to increase efficiencies or add value to employee satisfaction. That man was filled with great ideas, but no one asked his opinion until he walking out the door. It’s important to ask questions. Questions invite everyone to the conversation, and the more people that are involved in the conversation, the more solutions we create to any issue. You never know what kind of brilliance people hold until you ask them to share in a safe setting. So, let’s work to add to value curiosity. Let’s reward people for asking great questions, not just for providing solutions. It is my opinion that there in no great answer that was not first questioned. Let’s fascinate ourselves with our frustrations.

- Pamela Denny 4/21/2020